A conundrum

The headless chicken has been running around in circles again today; so many balls up in the air at the moment and I'm dropping the lot. Is that enough metaphors, mixed or otherwise, to give some indication as to the state of my mind I wonder? It's a bit scary in here at the moment and the body has decided that the best way to cope with said state of mind is to sleep it off, a lot (day and night)... But the trouble with sleeping is that you don't get anything done and then your mind loses even more of the plot. This results in a lot of swearing. Lots and lots. I've had a very sweary few days, you may have noticed. I make no apologies and may even swear some more. The halo has definitely slipped.

Amongst all the rushing about today, trying to play 'catch up' (and not), I've been ruminating on why I keep posting images of half worked drawings, or poor drawings that I hate and would normally write nasty messages on to myself and/or tear up and burn. They're certainly not stuff I'd show anyone, so why this sudden attack of exhibitionism? Is it a declaration of my feelings of incompetence? Is it a lack of judgement? Why do other artists only share their 'good' stuff? Why don't they admit that they make as much crap stuff as I do? (I know they do!) Why is there this need never to show our imperfections? I have lots of questions and no answers.

It perturbs me that I'm leaving myself open to criticism for work that isn't complete, isn't fully formulated and falters on many levels. But I can't help it; at the moment if I make a crap drawing (for eg) my inclination is to show it to you, even if in a couple of days time that drawing no longer exists because either I've rubbed it out and drawn over it (hopefully making a better drawing in the process) or destroyed it. Actually, I think it's a kind of therapy: learning not to cringe at my not so perfect self. Once I've shown you the image, even if I then destroy the original (or rework it), you can obviously still see the work in progress on this blog, unless I remove the post! (Tempting.) But even if I did that the image might still exist in your memory, so is there any point in pretending I didn't make work that wasn't up to scratch? Probably not. Which begs the question (again), why do I show it to you in the first place?!